Sabtu, 21 April 2012

Dear Friend

After years, I’m glad to see you again. Not just because I’m curious about your new appereance or even much stories I’ve been missed. What’s more important is: I do miss the moment we’ve shared together like this.

Thing’s change. We knew it as the time goes by. As we’re grew up each days. I did notice some differences in you, as I realized some differences in me too. But here we are today, meeting up for remebering the same memories in the past.

What we’ve been thru in the past must have determine our path today. And the destiny is always about choices. Some choice comes up with the consequences we’ve must took. Either we like it or not.

So, here I am today. Sitting in front of you. Sharing about what I’ve been thru lately. There are difficult times, thoughness, tears, proudly things, and even the stagnant romance ( If I could say that J). I tell you things without even questioning you really wanna hear that, or you just pretending you want to. All just because I do believe in you as a friend of mine.

Time running so fast. It’s your turn to tell me about your life. I do have much time to hear every single words you say. Above all the topic we could share, somehow you pick the love story (and it’s because I forced you to tell, pardon me). Then as the story goes by, I could see some hapiness in your eyes. Yet, there is also some misery you hide.

I did notice some strange gesture while you saying about a marriage. We both knew that we’re two girls with quarter life (or even more age in fact) crises. But something just not like the way I guess it be. In fact, you’re not have a short plan to get married. It would be not strange at all, if you don’t have any lover this time.

Friend, I know you as the intellegence person. You did realized that your story has some inconsistency. You don’t need me to asking what secret you’re not telling me. But somehow today I have to find out more. You wrapped the story in some strange way. After I questioning some statement, there are big “O” coming up.

Then you tell me about the secret you’ve been hide for like years. In fact, I’d really shocked. ‘I knew you would react like that’, your eyes told me that you already predict my response. So you began to tell the whole truths. It is your extreme thoughts and ideas that comes out. It is your challenging experience in life. It is unpredictable steps you made. It is contrary concept of common believed. yet, it is also a brave decision.

So here we are now friend. Standing in the difference place of thoughts and principal things. I’d realized we both now have a difference values also. But after all the objections I’ve said, after all unacceptable fact I’d heard. I did feel like I have some responsibilities to bring you back in some classic track, that I believe right. Until I realized myself, I have no right to interfere in your personal life.

Days continued..
I feel like I’m a bad person. Pardon me for not being a good listener that time. Pardon me for not being a good friend you need me too. But somehow, we’ve learned that: in some point of life, there are times that I couldn’t stand behind you. So as in return. Not because we’re no longer a good friend. But there are difference things that couldn’t make us stay in the same line as the old days. Things that we should appreciate.

 Inspite of all kind of differences, you’re always be my good friend in life. Forever.
With the warmth hug,
-Ch-



A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." - Walter Winchell -

Sabtu, 07 April 2012

L E N Y A P



Ini bahaya. Belakangan aku tak lagi dapat merasakan kehadiranmu.
Tidak di pelupuk mata, tidak dibait nada suara, di jaringan seluler
atau bahkan di dunia maya.
Kamu menguap begitu saja, seolah tak pernah nyata.

Entah aku yang tak lagi peka.
Atau kamu memang memutuskan pergi dengan luka.

Hari, Minggu, Bulan, Tahun, dan Musim  pun berlalu.
Aku bohong bila tak pernah menunggu.
Aku dusta bila tak pernah merindu.

Ada yang mengganjal di lubuk hati.
Menahanku untuk mencari.

Rasa takut itu demikian besar.
Begitu besar hingga aku pun enggan berikhtiar.

Mereka bilang rasa takut itu mesti dihadapi.
Tapi mereka tak mengerti.
Aku pernah terluka karena bermain api.

Dan semua tentangmu sungguh terasa pilu.
Maafkan aku karena tak sanggup mencarimu.
Maafkan aku karena pernah melepasmu.

Kini setiap hari adalah hukuman yang mesti dijalani.
Bukankah menurutmu rasa itu sebaiknya dibiarkan mati?
Karena sang rasa pernah hidup di sanubari, maka ketika ia hampir mati
Sakitnya menjalar dan menjangkiti nalar.

Aku setengah mati meronta menahan sakitnya.
Akalku tak pernah sanggup membunuh bayangmu.

Sesekali kesibukkan membantuku melenyapkanmu.
Sayangnya tiap aku lelah, kenangan tentangmu kembali menyergap.

Aku pasrah.
Membiarkan kenangan itu kembali berputar.
Hingga kenyataan menamparku untuk sadar.

Dulu, tiap kali kamu menghilang aku selalu tahu kamu akan kembali.
Intuisiku selalu benar. Kamu kembali dengan rasa yang semakin besar.

Aku begitu merasa satu denganmu.
Benang jiwa kita bergetar dengan frekuensi yang sama.
Tapi sepertinya kini tidak lagi.

Sekuat apapun aku menangis dan menginginkan kamu kembali.
Kamu tak pernah datang lagi.
Tidak dalam mimpi ataupun fiksi.

Ini bahaya. Karena aku tak lagi dapat bertemu kamu dalam khayal atau pun mimpi.
Setiap sel dalam ragaku teriak membutuhkanmu.
Mendamba hadirmu meski dalam imaji.

Hal yang sangat menyakitkan adalah kehilangan orang yang kita cintai.
Aku harus kehilanganmu dalam nyata, juga dalam mimpi.
Untuk kesekian kalinya.

ALERGI PAGI

Ia tak lagi menyukai pagi
Sejak kamu berhenti menyapa "Selamat Pagi"
Ia benci menatap matahari
Sejak kamu tiba2 melepas dekapan tanpa pamitan

Ia kesal mendengar kicauan burung parkit di pagi hari
Sebab itu hanya mengingatkan sakit di sembilu hati

Ia benci tiap kali rambutnya tersapu semilir angin pagi
Sebab itu kembali mengingatkannya akan tanganmu yang tak pernah membelai helaian rambut di wajahnya lagi.

Perempuan riang itu kini berubah menjadi pemurung
Sebab dirimu tak punya nyali menjelaskan apa yang terjadi.

Perempuan itu trauma tiap kali mendengar kata cinta
Sejak kamu hanya bermain kata dan menggeser makna sebenarnya.

Perempuan itu berhenti mempercayai keajaiban
Sejak kehadiranmu ternyata hanya kebetulan.

Dalam tangis dan rindu yang tak berkesudahan
Perempuan itu harus tunduk pada keikhlasan
Dan sungguh apa yg telah kamu lakukan telah menjadikannya lebih tangguh sekaligus
r a p u h.